Sunday, November 14, 2010

Our day to day

We had a very busy weekend. My good friend Cassandra convinced me to join Mary Kay a few months ago. Can you believe that I am a certified independent Mary Kay consultant. It's Crazy. But in any case. I've been getting a lot of "hints" to work my business more, even though I had only planned on just buying for myself and my mom. So I did what I hate and had a party. 16ish invitations went out, 2 people came. Hence the reason I had having parties. But it was actually a lot of fun. We got to do a lot of talking, drinking and eating, oh and a makeover. It was a really nice afternoon, but I hope not to do it again soon. It's just really not my thing to "sell" stuff, it's not in my nature. Mostly because I hate to be sold stuff. I'll stick to my online book business. which by the way is a bit slow. I think I've only made about $200, but at least i paid off my fancy phone with the profit.
Mason also had his last soccer game. He's really becoming quite the soccer player. He loves it too, which makes me so happy. He's become much more aggressive and confident. He no longer just wants to watch his feet to see how fast he can run. Kev and I are really very proud of him.
Today was a cleaning day for the basement, it's amazing how things can just pile up. But I'm happy to say it's back to clean, now the hard part which is keeping it that way.
Tonight at dinner, Jack told us of his dream from last night. All that he could recall was that he was climbing a mountain. It just brought a smile to my face. To imagine what a dream for him must be. He has such an imagination during the day, can't begin to imagine what happenens in his head at night.
Jack is always up to something. I has recently be trialing different ways to be mean. It started a few weeks ago with him telling me that if i didn't help him (with something) he wasn't going to be my baby anymore. I didn't respond, as I was afraid that he would get attention and keep doing it. A few days later he started telling Mason that he wasn't gunna be his brother anymore when he didn't get his way. I tried to discipline him, sending him to his room and such, but to no avail, the mean streak continued. So yesterday, I decided to try a little hot sauce on the tongue. He hated it, real alligator tears. I couldn't let him suffer for long, so I gave him a drink of milk quickly after, which took care of the burning. I thought for sure that would do the trick to stop the behavior, however, he did again today. I did the hot sauce on the tongue again. Only time will tell if it does the trick!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Post from Little Miss Hadley Blog, she says it so well.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

my soapbox.

I know a lot has been in the press about Children's Hospital this last week. A place I take great pride in working at. A place that treats and saves hundreds of sick kids a day. A place that spends MILLIONS of dollars on helping kids, and doesn't get any compensation in return. A place where I've truly seen miracles happen. And although I know intimately the details of the events, and it absolutely kills me to read the newspapers and idiot people's comments be quite honest it infuriates me...I'm not allowed to say what happened. But, I can tell you this, it's not as cut and dry or black as white as the media makes it sound...and I can also tell you that the two nurses involved are phenomenal people that I would let take care of my own kid any day of the week.

We are human beings, we make mistakes. I still hold on to two very huge mistakes I have made in my career, I was just lucky enough that they didn't have a tragic outcome. And sometimes a stroke of luck is all it comes down to. Because nurses are the front line, we are the 'do-ers', we are the final check. I wish, that we did just what some of the public perceived, took blood pressures, brought patients water, and smiled politely while doctors ordered us around....but we don't. We work in a world of constant distractions. We not not only take care of severely, critically, ill children (not the cute little sick ones they show on the news)...but we also take care of their moms, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings. We are constantly asked questions, constantly explaining what we are doing and why, constantly being scrutinized, and I understand because I cannot imagine a greater fear than giving up care of your own child to a stranger. We are constantly getting phone calls from radiology, from EEG techs, from Ultrasound techs, from pharmacists, from the lab, from the blood bank, from primary care providers, from social workers, and from families. We are constantly coordinating everything for every service We are searching for our patients charts, calling doctors, updating flow sheets, and assessing, always assessing. We know from hour to hour, geez, from minute to minute, a patient can deteriorate in the blink of an eye. We are constantly checking orders from physicians, making sure we have orders we need, making sure we get orders we don't have, and making sure all of these orders are safe for the patient. We are giving medications, checking and double checking, checking to make sure the 8, 9 and/or 10 continuous medications that are running in with each other are even compatible, checking to make sure some medications don't run out...because that could be life threatening, making sure doses are correct, and making sure they are being giving to the patient they are intended for. We are also hunting down parents to sign consents, updating parents as their child is in surgery, and holding parents when they see their baby in absolute dire straits. We are constantly 'doing'. We wear 30 different hats. We are the coordinators, the educators, the advocates, the comforters, the realists, the 'last check', the shoulders to cry on, the hands to hold, and the ones remembered. We do all of this in 12 hours, because 8 hours simply wouldn't do. We do all of this with a smile on our face, because we love what we do. Every single person I work with absolutely, without a doubt, loves what they do. We work hard, we don't take breaks, we get lunch when we can, we trust each other implicitly, and we rarely complain. We want to be in the thick of it all and we are always one step ahead. No matter what happens, we are prepared. We are the eyes and the ears. And then we go home. And we act like nothing happened. We don't talk about the 9 day old that we did chest compressions on for over an hour, the father that was screaming in the corner, we don't talk about the mom that finally got to hold her baby, for the first time ever, only to watch him take his last breath, and we don't talk about the mother we quietly sat with as their child lay in the operating room having limbs amputated due to some serious bacteria that somehow affected their perfectly normal child only two days ago. We just go home, maybe say work was a little busy...because really, nobody else could ever understand what we see and do, kiss our own kiddos on the head as they sleep, and know how truly, truly lucky we are to have them safe and sound in their beds, eat some dinner, and pack our lunch for the next 12 hour day. We do this 365 days a year, 24 hours a day...weekends & holidays...and we do it with a smile. Because when it comes down to it, none of us could ever imagine doing anything else in the world.

Persevering through the good, the bad and the ugly

These last two weeks at work have rocked Seattle Children's to the core and caused the entire community of Seattle to turn on our once untouchable hospital. It's amazing to me how quickly the media can turn. I see it everyday in tabloids and in the papers. The once prestigious icon has become a scandalous wreck. That exactly what has happened at Children's. Rewind back three weeks ago and all you hear about Children's is the amazing work it does everyday. The children we save each day, the miracles performed by the best doctors and nurses in the world, the break thoughs in cancer and cystic fibrosis research that will save millions of lives now and the year to come. Now the headlines say something different.
It is tragic, truly, truly tragic. As a mother and a nurse, my heart absolutely breaks for the families that were affected. There truly is nothing that we can do to take back what has happened. But I also know that things aren't as black and white as papers are making it out to seem. It's never just one person, just one break in the system. All the individuals involved in these fatal errors were true professionals. They had been doing their jobs for years and years. It was as simple as a mathematical error or a laps in judgement or a misunderstanding. The actions performed were done with the patients best interest at heart. Sadly, in the process of helping the patient, they indeed hurt them and ultimately killed them. I can't even imagine.
I have thought of the nurse in the Cardiac ICU daily since this news came out. I have tired to imagine what she must be feeling and how she is reacting to the backlash of our beloved hospital has received, all stemming from that one bad day with that one fatal mistake. I know she must know that it could have happened to anyone. That we all make mistakes. But how is she coping, knowing a child died. A child she no doubt cared very deeply for, as she had taken care of that child for 8 months. I hope there is someone who is wrapping their arms around her right now. I hope she finds comfort and joy in knowing the there are hundreds of nurses, doctors, RT's, Social workers, ES workers, family and friends on her side. I hope that she is able to lay down at night and feel the Lords arms around her with Him whispering in her ear the He loves her and He is holding her tight all day and night through this storm. I don't know who she is, but I know she is loved.
This has brought me back to my very bad day a little over a year ago. My one very bad mistake. I can't help but think, this could have been me. It could have been me! By the grace of God, it wasn't, but it only took a second, a momentary lap in my thought process. I could have harmed a child, I could have brought the hospital to it's knees. It gives me chills to think about. My own mistake and the mistake of the others involved most currently have forced me to reevaluate my practice everyday. To make sure i am doing everything I can to be safe and following the policies and procedures to the t.
Although I have stopped watching the news as I can't stand to hear all the speculations and lies, I do have to say, I have seen an outpouring of support from many of people in the community. There are many people out there supporting us and the staff involved, and to that I say thank you. I am proud of where I work and what we do everyday. We truly are doing God's work and I see His hand everyday. God does teach us that there will be struggles, this is ours and we will persevere.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

where is this energy you speak of??

I know I know, it's been forever since I've written anything. why you ask, I am oh so very tired. What is my deal? I feel like I never get enough sleep. I've had my thyroid checked multiple times thinking i have hypothyroidism, but all my test have been negative. I even started a medication thinking that that would help, but it's been over a year and no success. I started working out, but after instead of that energy boost people speak of, I just want to go take a nap. Even as I write this, I can't help but feel like a slug. I'm feeling so tired and unmotivated, however, I slept in and had a short little nap this afternoon. What is a girl to do. It's really frustrating. I've taken the "I'll do it tomorrow" approach which has been very detrimental. So accepting advice, any ideas out there. Where do people find their energy????

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Mothers Day

So I know it was like three weeks ago, but I wanted to get this in here so I could look back next year or in ten years and smile.
Sadly, I had to work on sunday, but that doesn't mean that we didn't make the best of it. The kids, as always got up way too early. But at 7am the boys and Kev came barging in the bedroom. they were so excited and came jumping on the bed. Yelling happy mothers day and presenting me with a card. it was all so sweet. they had also made breakfast which consisted of one pancake and half a donut. not sure where the other half went, but i only ended up getting about one bite of pancake and one bite of donut, the rest went to the boys. It was so sweet, definitely my best mothers day surprise to date.

Friday, April 16, 2010

A new member??

Since the moment I found out Jack was going to be a boy, I have felt deep in my heart that we were destine to have just one more. However, this thought was not mutual. Kev wholeheartedly felt that we were done with a capital D. There have many conversations, fights, teasing and begging over the last 3 years, all the time Kev has held steady, as have I. So this year we took to prayer and fast. I haven't received an answer, even though I pray for guidance on this subject everyday. well after yet another "conversation/fight" on Wednesday I went to bible study on Thursday with baby number 3 on heavy on my mind. It's amazing how things happen. As others were talking about Ephesians, my mind wondered and I wrote down a prayer in my notebook asking for a sign and for His guidance. Within about 5 minutes of writing down this prayer, the study topic turned to someone talking about her daughter who is expecting and has 3 boys. She was no doubt stressed to the max worried that it would be another boy. At hearing this, anxiety swept over me as I thought about being in her situation. What stress that would bring to me. I would love a baby boy with all my heart, but it would be a lie to say that I wouldn't be upset that it wasn't a girl. Do I really want to put myself through this? Moments later the conversation turned to children again, this time adoption. Adoption you say? All of a sudden a feeling of "of course" came tumbling down. Could this be the answer? We had talked of adoption before, but i always wrote it off. I had convinced myself that i wanted to be pregnant again and go through the 9 months, feeling the baby kick and move. And there is a part of me that does, but do i need to? Remember, with Mason and Jack, the end was not so smooth. I had pre-eclampsia with both. It's rare to have pre-eclampsia two times in a row, but if you do, it increases the chance with subsequent pregnancies. Do I really want to risk that? Do I really want to put my aging body through another pregnancy? I have been so fortunate to skip stretch marks and weight gain. Do I want to try my luck again?
Then there is Kev. For him, the idea of having another infant is his worst nightmare. Unlike me who adores the infant stage, he finds in difficult and unbearable. Plus he sees the light at the end of the tunnel with the boys. He can take them places and do things. You add an infant, all of a sudden you are stuck at home again...from his perspective. Per him it all comes down to time and money and we don't have either...from his perspective.
With this new found revelation, I asked some friends who have adopted how to get some information. They directed me to an agency in Spokane. I called Kev to tell him I found us a solution. We could look at adopting an older child, about 12-18 months old. And to my astonishment he said that that might work! So when he got home that night, I broached the subject again. And again he was on board, he said he thought that was a good idea and that we should look into it! Thank You Jesus! I never thought we would ever agree on anything when it came to having more children. God had a plan the whole time! Next comes the hard part...actually doing it.

Friday, April 9, 2010

The Last Laugh

So recently my boys have been testing potty words. Not the F bomb or anything too obscene, but things like peepee and poopoo and stupid. I have warned them that they would get soap in their mouths, and I can find soap anywhere no matter where we are, plus I always carry purell, so don't test me. Well, they did and I had to follow through. So we went into our bathroom and I took Jack first, inserted the bar of soap and he spit and gagged, which was the reaction I expected. Then it was Mason's turn. I did the same, soap in. However, my clever young 5 year old, gagged and gagged, then dry heaved then pucked. Remember, we are in the bathroom so the toilet is RIGHT THERE! However, he decided to throw up 6 inches away from the toilet from a standing position. So needles to say I spent the next 3o minutes cleaning up vomit with bleach in every corner of the bathroom, then did it again the next day just to make sure. All the while mason's sitting outside the door commenting on how mommy had to clean up his vomit and it's everywhere. I couldn't tell if he was merely commenting or heckling me from the doorway, but in the effort to save face, I tried to turn it back to him and said "you didn't like throwing up did you? Guess there won't be anymore potty words used in our house". Needless to say I did not get the last laugh that day. BUT.....there haven't been any potty words this week.