Friday, April 16, 2010

A new member??

Since the moment I found out Jack was going to be a boy, I have felt deep in my heart that we were destine to have just one more. However, this thought was not mutual. Kev wholeheartedly felt that we were done with a capital D. There have many conversations, fights, teasing and begging over the last 3 years, all the time Kev has held steady, as have I. So this year we took to prayer and fast. I haven't received an answer, even though I pray for guidance on this subject everyday. well after yet another "conversation/fight" on Wednesday I went to bible study on Thursday with baby number 3 on heavy on my mind. It's amazing how things happen. As others were talking about Ephesians, my mind wondered and I wrote down a prayer in my notebook asking for a sign and for His guidance. Within about 5 minutes of writing down this prayer, the study topic turned to someone talking about her daughter who is expecting and has 3 boys. She was no doubt stressed to the max worried that it would be another boy. At hearing this, anxiety swept over me as I thought about being in her situation. What stress that would bring to me. I would love a baby boy with all my heart, but it would be a lie to say that I wouldn't be upset that it wasn't a girl. Do I really want to put myself through this? Moments later the conversation turned to children again, this time adoption. Adoption you say? All of a sudden a feeling of "of course" came tumbling down. Could this be the answer? We had talked of adoption before, but i always wrote it off. I had convinced myself that i wanted to be pregnant again and go through the 9 months, feeling the baby kick and move. And there is a part of me that does, but do i need to? Remember, with Mason and Jack, the end was not so smooth. I had pre-eclampsia with both. It's rare to have pre-eclampsia two times in a row, but if you do, it increases the chance with subsequent pregnancies. Do I really want to risk that? Do I really want to put my aging body through another pregnancy? I have been so fortunate to skip stretch marks and weight gain. Do I want to try my luck again?
Then there is Kev. For him, the idea of having another infant is his worst nightmare. Unlike me who adores the infant stage, he finds in difficult and unbearable. Plus he sees the light at the end of the tunnel with the boys. He can take them places and do things. You add an infant, all of a sudden you are stuck at home again...from his perspective. Per him it all comes down to time and money and we don't have either...from his perspective.
With this new found revelation, I asked some friends who have adopted how to get some information. They directed me to an agency in Spokane. I called Kev to tell him I found us a solution. We could look at adopting an older child, about 12-18 months old. And to my astonishment he said that that might work! So when he got home that night, I broached the subject again. And again he was on board, he said he thought that was a good idea and that we should look into it! Thank You Jesus! I never thought we would ever agree on anything when it came to having more children. God had a plan the whole time! Next comes the hard part...actually doing it.

1 comment:

  1. Ooh--exciting! I am so happy for you that the two of you can find some common ground!!